Goals, Deeds, and Dreams: My Surprisingly Positive 2020 Reflection
As 2020 approaches its end, the words I hear to describe the year most are “dumpster fire.” And, in many ways, that is accurate. COVID-19, in particular, has been devastating. I lost two beloved family members this year — one of them to COVID-19. However, for me, 2020 has also been a year of growth and clarity.
At the very beginning of the year, I set two goals: 1) to eat at least until fullness and 2) to read 12 books. I also hoped to develop a better understanding of my purpose in life. I have achieved or made progress toward each of these goals.
A Year of Fullness
As you may know, I am in recovery from a years-long battle with anorexia nervosa. In my early years of recovery, I would eat enough to sustain myself but not enough to satisfy my hunger. Although sometimes, especially during times of heightened stress, I did fall back into this habit, for the most part in 2020, I ate until I experienced satiety. Although there is still room for more progress, I made huge strides toward full recovery this year.
A Year of Learning
You may also know that one of my most significant values is learning. Although I am a slow reader by anyone’s standards, I aligned my actions with my learning value and read 24 books — doubling my goal of 12. Check out the books I read this year and which ones I most highly recommend.
Besides reading books, I learned a lot this year from listening to podcasts and taking online courses. In fact, I subscribe to over 50 podcasts and now regularly listen to most of them. I have enjoyed some of these for years, especially those related to food, body, mental health, and social justice. Others, especially those related to environmentalism, are new to me in the past year or two. I could recommend all 50 of them, but you can check out a few of my favorites here.
Beyond podcasts, I have attended many webinars, as well as a few classes. My favorite course, Ecology: Ecosystem Dynamics and Conservation, was on Coursera, and it was the first class I have taken about ecology. I fell in love with the subject and the way of thinking of the world in terms of interconnected systems.
Values-Based, Purposeful Living
In addition to eating and learning, I have spent much of 2020 curiously exploring my chronic fatigue and attempting to practice living a slower life more aligned with my values.
For example, I explored the idea of homesteading. I tried (and repeatedly failed) to raise composting worms, and I have not given up. I started composting outside with a compost tumbler. I grew a few vegetables in a pot garden on my patio. I baked a few loaves of bread. I made a few other dishes or snacks from scratch. And, I even received a dehydrator and began preserving fruits and vegetables.
All of these practices were new to me.
I also continued my Body Compassion Blog social media accounts and website. I primarily focused on rejecting intentional weight loss diets and valuing body diversity. I love sharing my passions for social justice, mental health recovery (including eating disorder recovery), and fat positivity. I hope this passion-project is helping people cultivate compassionate relationships with food, their bodies, and their minds.
I started a new passion-project this year, too. I developed another website and social media presence, Wild Sustainability. This time I am focusing on environmental sustainability. I hope that this project is providing inspiring tips, information, resources, and solidarity for people of all ages worldwide, seeking to live a more sustainable, eco-conscious life to protect human well-being, wildlife biodiversity, and environmental conservation.
I have received no income from those projects, so I also work for a nonprofit organization. This organization aims to prevent gun violence through advocacy and education. I am proud that this work, which centers around public health and racial equity, aligns with my values.
Finally, I have dedicated time each day to spend intentionally with the family members in my COVID-19 quarantine bubble (i.e., household). For example, almost every night, my partner and I have dinner together. Then we play with our dog, Juniper. Finally, we enjoy dessert and a television show, game, or books together.
Long-Term Dreams
Growing up, I had visions of what my adulthood would look like and who I would be. When I reached my late twenties, and my life looked nothing like I had dreamed, I began to lose hope for a fulfilling life.
This year, I began dreaming again.
More than anything, I value family. My partner, parents, siblings, niblings (non-binary replacement for nieces and nephews), extended family, and pets are the most important beings in my life. Perhaps because of my uniquely strong love of family, I have always longed to be a mom. During my struggles with mental and physical health, I began to lose hope that this would be my reality. Now, I am once again dreaming of being a mom.
I look forward to someday playing outside with my child and teaching them to value nature and creativity more than a massive collection of plastic toys. I look forward to demonstrating my respect for all people, regardless of any identifiers (e.g., race, ethnicity, ability, gender identity, sexuality, socioeconomic status, location, body size, etc.), and my respect for all living beings — plant, animal, and fungus — regardless of species or economic value. I look forward to someday supporting my own child’s passions like my parents have supported mine.
My dream of living in a cabin in the woods also, once again, seems like a future possibility. I believe I can escape from the cities’ fast-paced flow and the suburbs’ manicured lawns and finally live in harmony with my more-than-human kin, including slow-paced trees. I dream of making this house into a home. I envision it with a bear theme, little clutter, minimal plastic, a productive garden or food forest, smells of food cooking, lots of laughter, and endless love.
I dream of being creative. I hope for a time when I can dedicate most of my productive energy toward raising a family, growing food, enjoying nature, and being creative. I want to spend more time writing and painting and photographing and knitting and cross-stitching. I want to come up with new, sustainable solutions to old problems. I want to express myself creatively, effectively, and beautifully and in a way that positively impacts the world.
I dream of making a difference. By living aligned with my values, I can positively impact the people in my life and limit my negative environmental impact. Further, by sharing these values through my creative work, I believe I can inspire others to do the same, amplifying the effect.
